


Here for you

by Angsty_Microwave



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Derealization, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Crying, Multi, Partying, Past Sexual Assault, The boys care about u a lot, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, also you're all roommates, and self harm, college au?? but not really you're just adults, kind of a thrupple but it's not super clear atm, mentions of spit, reader has ptsd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:02:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23310580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angsty_Microwave/pseuds/Angsty_Microwave
Summary: A self-indulgent fic of Iwa (and eventually Oikawa) helping reader through her trauma recovery, even if they're not aware of what's going on at first.PLEASE BE AWARE THIS COVERS SENSITIVE TOPICS"Why do you keep doing this for me?” You poke at your food before taking a few bites, the question hanging heavily in the air.“Because you’re my roommate?” He’s lying and you both know it.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	1. Late night calls

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't beta read and was written at 3 AM but it's just a way for me to cope with stuff.

It was the third time this week he’d received a call from your phone with a stranger’s voice on the other end. “Hello?” His voice was cloaked with sleep as he glanced over at his alarm clock. The harsh red light informed him it was 2:40 AM. 

“Y/N said to call you, come get her.” 

The call ended and a location notification popped up, He groaned as he threw on a sweater and walked out to his car. He was exhausted but he never failed to bring you home. He turns on the heated seat you like so much and a chill mix you made for him several months prior. The drive is short and he’s relieved to see the house isn’t too packed.

He’s quick to wander in, and someone nods in your direction. “Hajime!” You’re plastered, he can smell the liquor on you before he’s even picked you up. With the help of another party-goer, he manages to wrangle you onto his back. You whine out goodbyes and empty promises to call some boy who hands you his number as Iwaizumi carries you out of the house. 

“You gonna throw up?” He sits you in the passenger seat but has you facing outside just to be safe. You shake your head no, and he takes your heels off of your feet before swinging your legs into the car and buckling you in. 

“Can we get McDonald’s?” Your voice cracks and you’re leaning your head against the window. He glances at the cup holder for his wallet before taking the next turn to the restaurant. 

“Sure.” 

____

You wake up with a migraine, groaning as the morning sun hits your face. The smell of coffee fills your shared apartment. “Morning sleepyhead,” His voice is soft, but you know he’s upset, fortunately, he’s kind enough to wait for you to recover before bringing it up. “Go take a shower, Food will be ready when you’re done.” 

You swing your legs over the edge of the couch and walk to the bathroom, painkillers are on the counter along with one of his old shirts and a pair of Seijoh sweats. Stepping into the shower you sigh as the water hits your skin washing away the remains of last night. Washing your hair has never felt so good, and you make a mental note to thank Iwa for picking up more of your shampoo. 

His clothes hang off you in a way that makes you feel like a child playing dress-up, only you’re an adult wearing your best friend’s clothing because he knows you like to be comfortable, even at the expense of his closet. You’re vaguely aware of the purple marks that litter your neck as you brush your hair in the mirror. 

He hands you a mug of your favourite coffee as soon as you sit down at the island. “Fun night?”  
You take a sip of your drink before grimacing, 

“I’m never partying again.” 

He snorts and you shoot him a glare, though the smile on your face betrays your attempt at anger. “You said that last time,” He kicks out the stool beside you and plops down, placing some eggs in front of you. “Eat, you’ll feel better.” 

“Why do you keep doing this for me?” You poke at your food before taking a few bites, the question hanging heavily in the air. 

“Because you’re my roommate?” He’s lying and you both know it, you’ve been friends long enough to know he hates seeing you so lost in this world. 

You eat in silence, only thanking him for the food before you go and lock yourself in your room.

He puts his head in his hands and wonders why you won’t open up to him. He knows better than to ask


	2. Opening up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How was work?” You place the controller down and stretch your arms out. 
> 
> “Awful, Oikawa is a nightmare.” You snicker before nudging him with your foot. 
> 
> “Is it Oikawa or the attention he gets?” He throws his head back with a groan and you lean forward to grab another controller for him. 
> 
> “Both.” He takes it from you and is quick to go along with your game of super Mario bros. Things almost feel normal between you two, but he can’t help but notice how you flinch at certain noises or how your eyes glaze over when he shouts as he dies.

He gets home from work around four, entering your apartment with a quick “I’m home.” as he kicks off his shoes. He’s glad to see you playing video games in the living room, even if it’s small it’s still progress. You pause your game when he picks your legs up off the couch only to put them back on his lap when he sits down. 

“How was work?” You place the controller down and stretch your arms out. 

“Awful, Oikawa is a nightmare.” You snicker before nudging him with your foot. 

“Is it Oikawa or the attention he gets?” He throws his head back with a groan and you lean forward to grab another controller for him. 

“Both.” He takes it from you and is quick to go along with your game of super Mario bros. Things almost feel normal between you, but he can’t help but notice how you flinch at certain noises or how your eyes glaze over when he shouts as he dies. 

______

It’s not until later when you’re eating pizza while some shitty movie plays on the TV that you go quiet. “Can I…” you pause, moving to sit on the floor in front of the little table with the pizzas on it so you can face him, “Can I talk to you about something?” He nods at you with a mouth full of food, signalling you to continue. 

You pick at the skin of your fingers, one of your nervous habits, he noted. “Something happened to me a few years back,” He almost misses the way your voice cracks as you speak. “I don’t really wanna talk about it, but I’m scared, Iwa.” You push your glasses up as you wipe at your eyes and his heart breaks. 

He knew you were hiding something, he just didn’t expect it to be something serious. He reaches a hand out to gently touch your face but stops when you recoil from his touch. You grab his hand when you see the flash of hurt on his face, “Sorry, old habit I guess.” You sniffle and give his hand a tug gently urging him off the couch and onto the floor with you. You don’t miss the sigh of relief he lets out at the contact, and he doesn’t miss the hint of fear in your eyes. 

“I won’t pressure you to talk, but please know I’m here for you.” It doesn’t take much for you to fall forward into his chest as you sob, his movements are awkward as he takes your glasses off and rubs your back while whispering calming words into your hair. He collects himself before leaning against the couch and pulling you in between his legs to comfortably rest your face in his chest as you cry. 

He’s never been good at this kind of thing, but he knows that you trust him, and he’ll be here as long as you need him to be.


	3. Two becomes three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can hear Oikawa’s breath hitch and Iwaizumi drop his controller. “Sorry.” You aren’t sure why you’re apologizing, maybe it’s because telling them would be one more thing for them to worry about. Or maybe it’s the guilt of keeping it a secret for so long.

Days have passed and he still hasn’t brought up your little meltdown which you’re thankful for. He’s been more aware of your reactions to things lately, things that used to seem like personal quirks are now clearly signs of trauma, like the way you zone out of conversations during certain topics, or how you rub at your skin if a stranger has touched you. 

True to your word you don’t party anymore, unfortunately, you’ve taken to drinking at home, often being tipsy before 11 AM. Sometimes he sits with you on your bedroom floor as you take swigs from a bottle of vodka, he says he wants to make sure you don’t throw up on the carpet, he’s lying. 

He hears you crying at ungodly hours of the night, and every time he comes to rub your back and sit with you, even if it means losing hours of sleep. You tell him he’s allowed to take a step back for his own mental health, he says he knows but doesn’t anyways. 

When he works nightshifts he has Oikawa come and stay with you. You don’t mind, the company is nice, you think. Tooru jokes about moving in, Iwa says he should, and you make a joke about how they’d just bicker, they both go quiet. 

_____

Eventually, two becomes three, and you move into a larger apartment. Your drinking has subsided, but it’s been replaced with nights spent painting instead of sleeping. The boys take turns comforting you during your early morning sob fests, you feel bad knowing how much they do for you, but they never complain. 

“I was raped.” You say bluntly during a game of Mario kart as if it was just a normal part of a conversation. You can hear Oikawa’s breath hitch and Iwaizumi drop his controller. “Sorry.” You aren’t sure why you’re apologizing, maybe it’s because telling them would be one more thing for them to worry about. Or maybe it’s the guilt of keeping it a secret for so long. You aren’t given time to dwell on it when Tooru’s shaky voice pulls you out of your thoughts. “Can I hug you?” 

You nod and he pulls you into him, Hajime following close behind as the three of you once again end up in a pile on the floor. Iwa is crying and you can feel his shaking breaths against your back and his tears on your shirt. Tooru is trying to keep himself together, but he’s struggling and you all notice the whimpers that escape his lips as his fists clench into the back of Iwa’s shirt. 

You don’t know how long you spend in a weird group hug, sobbing on the floor, but it’s dark out now and the boys are asleep. You laugh a little at the fact Tooru is being crushed before gently shaking both of them awake. “Bedtime boys!” They both groan but agree as you wander off to your rooms.


	4. Nothing is real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not real.”
> 
> Both boys feel their hearts drop. 
> 
> “What do you mean?” Oikawa’s voice cracks but he tries his best to hide it, “Of course we’re real.” 
> 
> “M’ not real. Nothing is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter mentions biting as a form of self-harm and just,, lots of spit. 
> 
> sorry, this takes me so long to update, but honestly, I only write for this when I have a breakdown so.

College is stressful and you spend more time staring at a blank word doc than actually doing your work. The cafe is mostly empty aside from your partner and a few other students. You groan and lay your head against your keyboard as she laughs. 

“Do you want me to grab you a coffee?” She’s already moving to get up, but stops when she sees Tooru behind you. 

“I figured you’d still be here,” You look up at him and smile, reaching for his hand. “Iwa is getting us drinks before we head home, c’mon.” You look over at the counter and sure enough, he’s spouting off Oikawa’s absurd coffee order by heart. 

You shove your laptop into your bag and lean into Tooru’s side. “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” You offer your partner a smile before walking off, Iwa grabbing onto your waist as you leave. 

Your phone dings during the drive home. “Your boyfriends seem nice!” you snort and type back, “They suck.” and shove your phone into your bag. 

Tooru is singing along to the radio and Hajime begs him to shut up. You laugh and reach your hands over the center console, entwining your fingers with one of their own. For once life feels normal.

\----

Nighttime is the worst, your upstairs neighbour is entirely too loud, and you can hear your dripping faucet so well you’d think you were right next to it. The boys are watching a movie in the living room, you want to tell them to shut up, that it’s too much, but you don’t, instead, opting for chewing on your hands and pulling at your hair. 

Iwa is the first to notice your unusual silence, getting up to check on you. Oikawa stays seated too busy eating popcorn. “y/n, are you okay?” light floods into your room as he opens the door. You whimper as the light hits your face. 

“m' confused.” He’s by your side and taking your spit covered hands in his as he leads you to the living room

“What’s up?” You let out a whine and Iwa is quick to shut Oikawa up. He turns the tv off and passes you to Tooru, you curl into a ball on the floor in front of where he's sitting, your hands going back into your mouth. 

"She's overwhelmed, I'll be right back." Hajime steps into the kitchen to make tea, Tooru realizes.

the sound of the kettle clicking on and the mugs clinking against the counter upsets you in ways he's never seen before, and the noise you make when you bite down into your skin shakes him to his core. His hands shoot out to yours, trying to remove your fingers from your mouth, but it only serves to stress you more, causing you to bite down harder. 

His hands rest against yours gently, unsure of what he can do to help you and when Iwa returns he nearly drops the mug in his hand at the sight of you two. Your eyes are glazed over and you don’t respond when he tries to speak to you, your hands are covered in spit and your teeth are digging into the side of your hand so hard he’s sure you’re bleeding, but you don’t seem bothered. 

“Y/n…” Oikawa's voice is soft, It helps distract from the sound the mug makes when Iwaizumi puts it down on the table. Iwa sits beside him, slowly bringing his hand up to touch your cheek. You turn to look at him, and while he should be relieved, he can’t help but notice just how vacant your eyes are. 

You try to talk, but your words are muffled by your hand, Oikawa pulls it out of your mouth, wiping it off on his shirt, as you croak out a soft “You’re not real.”

Both boys feel their hearts drop. 

“What do you mean?” Oikawa’s voice cracks but he tries his best to hide it, “Of course we’re real.” 

“M’ not real. Nothing is.” Your voice is flat, void of emotion.

Hajime lets out a choked sob. Sure, you have your periods of derealisation, but they’ve never been this bad.

For the first time in years, they feel utterly helpless.


	5. Calm After The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m really sorry for worrying you.” Your mouth is full of pancakes, one of your habits you can’t seem to break. They let it slide today.
> 
> “You can tell us when things get to be too much,” Iwa speaks up and Tooru nods in agreement. “After all, We’re here for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short and bad, and I could probably leave the story there, but it just feels incomplete.

Two hours have passed since your episode, during that time you drank three cups of tea and stared at the wall.

Tooru had gone for a walk half an hour in, calling anyone he could think of to ask for help. Your doctor had said to monitor you and wait it out. He wanted to scream. 

He didn’t know how late it had gotten by the time he gets home, but his throat is sore and his hands are numb, and he can’t help but wonder if this is how you feel.

He closes the door quietly, slips off his shoes, and goes to take a shower. 

Hajime hasn’t left your side, with the exception of getting your tea, his phone facetiming yours so he could keep an eye on you from the other room. You hadn’t moved much, just leaning against him as he talked about the things you had done together.   
It helps, not a lot, but you no longer look lost, and you seem to recognize him a bit better.

___

Four hours and you’re finally speaking, you know who they are and are nuzzling against them. Iwa almost sobs when you say his name, even if you are just asking for another cup of tea.

You reach for the tv remote and put on some stupid cartoon that none of you actually pay attention to. Your hand is bandaged and there’s no permanent damage, but the boys don’t dare touch it any more than they have to. Tooru is showing you cat videos while Hajime runs his fingers over your hair in a soothing motion. 

__

It takes five hours for you to fully calm down. You’re finally starting to fall asleep, Iwa picks you up and carries you to bed, both of them climb in beside you, and for the first time in a long time you look peaceful. 

__

The sun hits your face and you mumble as you wake up. You can smell pancakes in the other room, Iwa lays beside you and you press soft kisses to his face. “y/n?” His voice is rough yet soothing, you smile. 

“C’mon, breakfast.” You swing your legs over the edge of the bed, Hajime following close behind. The table is set, a cup of coffee in front of each of your spots, You sit down and let out a pleased hum as you take a sip.   
Tooru places plates in front of the two of you before grabbing one for himself and sitting down. Neither of them bring your episode up, they both know it’s best to let you mention it and it’s something you appreciate. 

“I’m really sorry for worrying you.” Your mouth is full of pancakes, one of your habits you can’t seem to break. They let it slide today.

“You can tell us when things get to be too much,” Iwa speaks up and Tooru nods in agreement. “After all, We’re here for you.”


End file.
